February 22: Today’s journal question was about what qualities one should look for in a friend. Gwendolyn’s answer was finding people who could kick Ms. Heather’s butt.
February 23: After I clocked out, I had to fish children out of a dumpster. Once a month, the school has a giant roll off dumpster dropped off in the front yard. They usually get it delivered after school lets out, but tonight was family spaghetti dinner night. I found a dozen kids swarming all over it and one trapped inside because there’s a built-in ladder on the outside, but none on the inside.
February 24: Sometimes when I’m sad, I look up the bloopers from Young Frankenstein on YouTube. Gene Wilder’s rambunctious laugh always makes me feel like my soul is wrapped in warm blankets.
February 25: We plugged in the electric blanket this weekend, which may have been a mistake. It is now even harder to get out of bed in the morning.
February 26: I downloaded Citizen, which updates me to all the crime happening nearby. I got it as a warning signal to keep my students safe at school, but now I spend my time reading about a man who brandished an axe during an argument over a parking spot, complaints about a religious group chanting too loudly and woman sprayed by man’s sneeze in BART train.
February 27: There was slime drama at the school today that resulted in five people crying at recess. It makes me laugh to think of how they will feel when they look back on this one day far into the future and remember how strongly they felt about a gloopy mixture of glue and borax.
February 28: We hit a new record today. My class owes me 25 minutes of practicing lines at recess after how they acted when someone pulled the fire alarm.
much love,
hedgie
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
how not to accidentally make wine
February 15: In my Circus Acts class, I have a student named Jaime, pronounced “Hi-may”. The other kids have trouble saying it correctly and end up yelling “hymen” across the room when they want his attention. But they enjoyed making balloon dogs. They actually acted like kids for half an hour.
February 16: “If you ride BART this late, you have a 75% chance of being murdered. And there’s two of you, so that’s 150% right there.”
February 17: The winemaker had just finished talking about how the fires had destroyed his home and he and his wife were trying to figure out how to get by when a woman in our tasting group got weirdly pushy about how he should adopt a dog and have babies as soon as possible.
February 18: Our tour guide is from Italy and English is his second language, which lead him to describe everyday actions with deeper, hidden meanings. He pointed out a storage room, where they “store all manner of things” and later explained that wines will taste different “depending on what you have been doing with your mouth all day”.
February 19: Frances Grange opened up a speakeasy underneath the floorboards of the resort’s check-in. She also sold her “fancy table” grapes with instructions on how to not accidentally ferment it and make wine.
February 20: Abel was silently eating a hotdog at snack, which is weird because usually on hot dog day, the kids get so excited they all came up with their own chants for it. I looked around and saw everyone else wolfing down cheese pizza. Then it dawned on me that Abel was eating the hot dog he put ins backpack on Thursday and has been sitting there for over five days.
February 21: When the curtain closed after their class song, a few of the first grade boys jumped in front of the red velvet fabric and dabbed so spastically that for a moment I thought they were having seizures.
much love,
hedgie
February 16: “If you ride BART this late, you have a 75% chance of being murdered. And there’s two of you, so that’s 150% right there.”
February 17: The winemaker had just finished talking about how the fires had destroyed his home and he and his wife were trying to figure out how to get by when a woman in our tasting group got weirdly pushy about how he should adopt a dog and have babies as soon as possible.
February 18: Our tour guide is from Italy and English is his second language, which lead him to describe everyday actions with deeper, hidden meanings. He pointed out a storage room, where they “store all manner of things” and later explained that wines will taste different “depending on what you have been doing with your mouth all day”.
February 19: Frances Grange opened up a speakeasy underneath the floorboards of the resort’s check-in. She also sold her “fancy table” grapes with instructions on how to not accidentally ferment it and make wine.
February 20: Abel was silently eating a hotdog at snack, which is weird because usually on hot dog day, the kids get so excited they all came up with their own chants for it. I looked around and saw everyone else wolfing down cheese pizza. Then it dawned on me that Abel was eating the hot dog he put ins backpack on Thursday and has been sitting there for over five days.
February 21: When the curtain closed after their class song, a few of the first grade boys jumped in front of the red velvet fabric and dabbed so spastically that for a moment I thought they were having seizures.
much love,
hedgie
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
raccoon stalking the playground
February 8: A fourth grade class is out in the yard to practice a coordinated dance. The opening beats of “Baby Got Back” blared out of the sound system.
February 9: My students won the prize of watching a movie with popcorn. They all complained after we voted and decided on The Incredibles, including the ones who voted for that movie. But when it came time for some students to leave for dance practice, they got upset about missing the movie and didn’t want to leave. Those left over crowded around my laptop instead of watching the giant projection of the movie and proceeded to talk through the entire thing, periodically yelling questions to me from across the room about what was happening in the movie.
February 10: We just found out that Nick’s parents use our Netflix account instead of paying for their own. So that’s fun.
February 11: Salt & Straw had a seasonal flavor called Happy Birthday Elvis, which is banana coconut ice cream mixed with jam, peanut butter fudge, and shaved coconut treated to taste just like bacon.
February 12: The journal question was to answer how you are different. Joanna answered that she was different from her brother because he has a mustache and she doesn’t.
February 13: I glanced over the snack table and caught Dora’s eyes. She immediately plastered a smile on her face and promised that everything was fine and nothing had gone wrong. I have never been so scared in my entire life.
February 14: The trash cans overflowed with Valentine’s Day candy wrappers and cheesy cards, whole cupcakes littered the hallways, and a raccoon stalked the playground while there was still light out and almost attacked Melissa.
much love,
hedgie
February 9: My students won the prize of watching a movie with popcorn. They all complained after we voted and decided on The Incredibles, including the ones who voted for that movie. But when it came time for some students to leave for dance practice, they got upset about missing the movie and didn’t want to leave. Those left over crowded around my laptop instead of watching the giant projection of the movie and proceeded to talk through the entire thing, periodically yelling questions to me from across the room about what was happening in the movie.
February 10: We just found out that Nick’s parents use our Netflix account instead of paying for their own. So that’s fun.
February 11: Salt & Straw had a seasonal flavor called Happy Birthday Elvis, which is banana coconut ice cream mixed with jam, peanut butter fudge, and shaved coconut treated to taste just like bacon.
February 12: The journal question was to answer how you are different. Joanna answered that she was different from her brother because he has a mustache and she doesn’t.
February 13: I glanced over the snack table and caught Dora’s eyes. She immediately plastered a smile on her face and promised that everything was fine and nothing had gone wrong. I have never been so scared in my entire life.
February 14: The trash cans overflowed with Valentine’s Day candy wrappers and cheesy cards, whole cupcakes littered the hallways, and a raccoon stalked the playground while there was still light out and almost attacked Melissa.
much love,
hedgie
Wednesday, February 7, 2018
explaining groundhog day to children
February 1: I told Dora it was time to read and she told me she couldn’t understand because she did not speak English. I told her again in Spanish, but this time she told me she only speaks Chinese.
“Than how are you speaking to me in English right now?”
“I don’t know what I’m saying.”
February 2: I tried to explain Groundhog Day to my kids. Nothing about it made any sense to them and I’m sure they went home to ask their parents how groundhogs can predict the weather.
February 3: Luli is a huge cheater. She would lean back in her chair until she passed out of Greg’s peripheral vision and mouth the words she wanted us to guess and would just shake her head if my finger started moving towards the wrong square.
February 4: Why is it always Shakespeare in post apocalyptic theater troupes? I’m waiting for a book or movie that follows the people who are responsible for keeping the works of The Three Stooges, Scooby Doo, or The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air alive.
February 5: Despite the fact that he always reeks of weed, Shanah’s older brother was hired by the OST program to work with children. He let us know that since he would be on campus when we closed, we would never have to worry about Shanah’s pick up again. Today, he went home without taking Shanah with him and I spent half an hour sitting with her after closing waiting for someone to be sent to pick her up. From across the street.
February 6: One hour of aiding for Ms. Alexander’s class involved a three-minute long video about Martin Luther King Jr., the students writing a single sentence about Mae Jemison that they started last week when I was with them, and forty-five minutes of coloring.
February 7: Last year in my health class, I taught my kids that the occipital lobe was a very fancy lobe, so when they said its name, they had to stick out their pinkies and say it in the highest-pitched voice they could manage. This morning, Maria came in and asked us if we had any idea how her kids already knew all about the brain and why they kept speaking in a weird British accent.
much love,
hedgie
“Than how are you speaking to me in English right now?”
“I don’t know what I’m saying.”
February 2: I tried to explain Groundhog Day to my kids. Nothing about it made any sense to them and I’m sure they went home to ask their parents how groundhogs can predict the weather.
February 3: Luli is a huge cheater. She would lean back in her chair until she passed out of Greg’s peripheral vision and mouth the words she wanted us to guess and would just shake her head if my finger started moving towards the wrong square.
February 4: Why is it always Shakespeare in post apocalyptic theater troupes? I’m waiting for a book or movie that follows the people who are responsible for keeping the works of The Three Stooges, Scooby Doo, or The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air alive.
February 5: Despite the fact that he always reeks of weed, Shanah’s older brother was hired by the OST program to work with children. He let us know that since he would be on campus when we closed, we would never have to worry about Shanah’s pick up again. Today, he went home without taking Shanah with him and I spent half an hour sitting with her after closing waiting for someone to be sent to pick her up. From across the street.
February 6: One hour of aiding for Ms. Alexander’s class involved a three-minute long video about Martin Luther King Jr., the students writing a single sentence about Mae Jemison that they started last week when I was with them, and forty-five minutes of coloring.
February 7: Last year in my health class, I taught my kids that the occipital lobe was a very fancy lobe, so when they said its name, they had to stick out their pinkies and say it in the highest-pitched voice they could manage. This morning, Maria came in and asked us if we had any idea how her kids already knew all about the brain and why they kept speaking in a weird British accent.
much love,
hedgie
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