April 24: Today was my last appointment with my psychologist. He is moving to Hawaii now and he thinks I’m doing well enough that I don’t need to see anyone anymore. It’s so strange to think that two years ago, I couldn’t get out of bed and didn’t want anyone to look at me. And today, I have bright pink hair and I’m about to go make an idiot of myself in front of over twenty children.
April 25: Last night, I started reading Michelle McNamara’s “I’ll Be Gone in the Dark”, the true crime novel about the serial rapist and murderer my family has been following for years. This morning, dad texted me, saying they made an arrest. Jospeh James DeAngelo, 72-year old ex-cop.
I wonder what questions will get answered. What made the cops interested in this man specifically? When he attended the town hall meetings about his attacks, was he there pretending to be a concerned citizen or was he in uniform? Does he really have the bull tattoo? Were the noises in the background of his threatening calls from the television or from a family he had? What made him stop killing and raping for so long?
April 26: Serenity is a child who is hyperactive to the point that she spends all of her lunches in the bungalow with us because she will start physical fights with her classmates if she is with them for longer than half an hour. Today, she came in with a full Rockstar energy drink in her lunch because her grandmother thought it was a can of bubbly juice.
April 27: Dora’s book is about the differences and similarities between dogs and wolves. She needed some help adding some padding to her book to fill out pages.
“What do dogs and wolves do that are the same?”
“They both eat meat?”
“What kind of meat do they eat?”
“Dogs eat food that their people feed them.”
“And wolves?”
“They eat carne asada.”
April 28: Nick has made me start jogging again. He says he wants me to live longer or some stupid shit like that.
April 29: I don’t really understand how Nick can buy 500 bullets at one time, but I can only get a month’s worth of birth control at a time.
April 30: Maria is preparing for May the Fourth be with you. She brought in a larger than life cardboard cutout of Darth Vader, who has to sit in on our regular Monday morning meeting. She and Jen put a sombrero on him since Cinco de Mayo is on a Saturday and we have to get both holidays at once.
much love,
hedgie
Monday, April 30, 2018
Monday, April 23, 2018
wild penguins
April 17: A few of the third grade classes went on a field trip to Muir Woods today. Jai’von packed a stuffed penguin in his backpack in case he saw some wild penguins there.
April 18: Today, Ms. Alexander had a substitute that wrote today’s date as “Wensday” April 18. Also today, Briana worked on her book, which is about a brownie that lives in Candyplace and is lonely because no one wants to be friends with him because he is too brown. He later moves to Chocolateplace where everyone loves him. I’m not sure which event saddens me more.
April 19: An older lady who volunteers at Reading Partners went off for a full five minutes about how kids have been complimenting her on her necklace. Her voice carried from their side of the bungalow from the Mission Graduates’ side that was split in half with an Ikea bookshelf. She says that they really appreciate that she takes care of her appearance and how she presents herself to them. She doesn’t understand why all the teachers she sees at the school always wear leggings and so much black. Maria and I both looked down at our own outfits. We are both wearing black leggings and our black Mission Graduates sweaters. This lady comes in two days a week and reads with one child for one hour and judges us without trying to figure out why so many of us opt for comfortable and dark clothing. She doesn’t have to stand on her feet for six straight hours. She doesn’t deal with cleaning up the cafeteria and bathrooms. She isn’t sweating outside and chasing after children stained with asphalt. She isn’t the one kids run to when they had a bathroom accident or are currently vomiting. We dress like this because it’s the only thing that will survive our average day. Teachers get paid shit and yet are expected to do the work of at least seven different people. We are teachers, babysitters, social workers, therapists, bodyguards, nurses and guidance counselors. And now I guess I’m supposed to be a fashion icon too. Oh, and a sniper.
April 20: After the incredibly long, incredibly awkward SFUSD training about keeping appropriate boundaries between adults and students, Fernando decided that we all deserved Grasshopper Pie ice cream from Mitchell’s. We piled into Jen’s car, loping up and down San Francisco’s hills.
“I love that feeling,” Fernando said. “When you go down a hill and it feels like your soul is being lifted for a moment.”
April 21: The Cherry Blossom Festival in Japantown featured very few cherry blossoms. We took a break from the search to get a bowl of ramen. Halfway through our meal, a group of men in matching blue kimonos came in to bless the restaurant and its patrons. They asked us to participate in a clapping ceremony. One of the men instructed us to hold up our hands to about shoulder level. “Don’t worry, this isn’t a hold up.” This was then followed by one man shouting something in Japanese while the other men of his party clapped in rhythms of three and everyone in the restaurant desperately tried to figure out the beat.
April 22: There is a window in the kitchen that catches the sunlight for most of the day. I often go in there to make a cup of tea and find Addie and George on the tile floor, curled up in the square puddle of sunbeams.
April 23: The case about the monkey selfie finally got settled today. They determined that the monkey could not hold copyright for the photo. Man, I would have loved to have been on that jury.
much love,
hedgie
April 18: Today, Ms. Alexander had a substitute that wrote today’s date as “Wensday” April 18. Also today, Briana worked on her book, which is about a brownie that lives in Candyplace and is lonely because no one wants to be friends with him because he is too brown. He later moves to Chocolateplace where everyone loves him. I’m not sure which event saddens me more.
April 19: An older lady who volunteers at Reading Partners went off for a full five minutes about how kids have been complimenting her on her necklace. Her voice carried from their side of the bungalow from the Mission Graduates’ side that was split in half with an Ikea bookshelf. She says that they really appreciate that she takes care of her appearance and how she presents herself to them. She doesn’t understand why all the teachers she sees at the school always wear leggings and so much black. Maria and I both looked down at our own outfits. We are both wearing black leggings and our black Mission Graduates sweaters. This lady comes in two days a week and reads with one child for one hour and judges us without trying to figure out why so many of us opt for comfortable and dark clothing. She doesn’t have to stand on her feet for six straight hours. She doesn’t deal with cleaning up the cafeteria and bathrooms. She isn’t sweating outside and chasing after children stained with asphalt. She isn’t the one kids run to when they had a bathroom accident or are currently vomiting. We dress like this because it’s the only thing that will survive our average day. Teachers get paid shit and yet are expected to do the work of at least seven different people. We are teachers, babysitters, social workers, therapists, bodyguards, nurses and guidance counselors. And now I guess I’m supposed to be a fashion icon too. Oh, and a sniper.
April 20: After the incredibly long, incredibly awkward SFUSD training about keeping appropriate boundaries between adults and students, Fernando decided that we all deserved Grasshopper Pie ice cream from Mitchell’s. We piled into Jen’s car, loping up and down San Francisco’s hills.
“I love that feeling,” Fernando said. “When you go down a hill and it feels like your soul is being lifted for a moment.”
April 21: The Cherry Blossom Festival in Japantown featured very few cherry blossoms. We took a break from the search to get a bowl of ramen. Halfway through our meal, a group of men in matching blue kimonos came in to bless the restaurant and its patrons. They asked us to participate in a clapping ceremony. One of the men instructed us to hold up our hands to about shoulder level. “Don’t worry, this isn’t a hold up.” This was then followed by one man shouting something in Japanese while the other men of his party clapped in rhythms of three and everyone in the restaurant desperately tried to figure out the beat.
April 22: There is a window in the kitchen that catches the sunlight for most of the day. I often go in there to make a cup of tea and find Addie and George on the tile floor, curled up in the square puddle of sunbeams.
April 23: The case about the monkey selfie finally got settled today. They determined that the monkey could not hold copyright for the photo. Man, I would have loved to have been on that jury.
much love,
hedgie
Monday, April 16, 2018
to fart on cue
April 9: Now five of my girls have taken up the cat ear trend. They go towards the ones that are metal rods shaped into triangles on a headband. It may be the more hygienic choice since there is nothing for lice to live on, but I do end up getting stabbed between the ribs every time one of them rushes in for a hug.
April 10: I passed a plater full of succulents, they were muted tinges of green like the stems and leaves has been dusted with powdered sugar.
April 11: Shanah and Janessa got into an argument at snack. Recess ended before it was resolved and so they scheduled to fight each other after school. I didn’t think that happened outside of movie high schools let alone between third graders.
April 12: I swear to god that Jai’von has trained himself to fart on cue. Twice during meditation time when everyone finally settled and fell silent, he ripped a huge one and then made ridiculous faces to show that he was the one behind yet. Yet he still does not understand why no one wants to sit next to him.
April 13: Each grade came to school dressed up in a different color so that when they lined up in the yard, the whole school created a rainbow to celebrate LGBT families. They paraded around the yard holding up handmade signs saying that love is love is love, that all families are welcome here, that everyone deserves respect and acceptance. Rah held up a poster that read BLACK PANTHER.
April 14: I always told all my cousins that they were my second favorite. That way, they knew there was room for improvement. But today, dad sent me a photo of Max and Jenny’s baby. Conrad Buchanan. He is unequivocally cousin number one now.
April 15: Addie jumped up onto the chaise lounge where Nick was reading. At first, she started curled up at his feet, but a few minutes later, she stretched out behind his knees and rested her chin on his thigh. Fifteen minutes later, she was laying across his lap and taking up three quarters of the seat.
April 16: I have not been reacting well to having in-laws. They have somehow managed to bring out my rebellious teenage phase at the age of 28. My kids have had very strong reactions to the pink hair, but none of them have stopped screaming long enough for me to figure out if they like it or not.
much love,
hedgie
April 10: I passed a plater full of succulents, they were muted tinges of green like the stems and leaves has been dusted with powdered sugar.
April 11: Shanah and Janessa got into an argument at snack. Recess ended before it was resolved and so they scheduled to fight each other after school. I didn’t think that happened outside of movie high schools let alone between third graders.
April 12: I swear to god that Jai’von has trained himself to fart on cue. Twice during meditation time when everyone finally settled and fell silent, he ripped a huge one and then made ridiculous faces to show that he was the one behind yet. Yet he still does not understand why no one wants to sit next to him.
April 13: Each grade came to school dressed up in a different color so that when they lined up in the yard, the whole school created a rainbow to celebrate LGBT families. They paraded around the yard holding up handmade signs saying that love is love is love, that all families are welcome here, that everyone deserves respect and acceptance. Rah held up a poster that read BLACK PANTHER.
April 14: I always told all my cousins that they were my second favorite. That way, they knew there was room for improvement. But today, dad sent me a photo of Max and Jenny’s baby. Conrad Buchanan. He is unequivocally cousin number one now.
April 15: Addie jumped up onto the chaise lounge where Nick was reading. At first, she started curled up at his feet, but a few minutes later, she stretched out behind his knees and rested her chin on his thigh. Fifteen minutes later, she was laying across his lap and taking up three quarters of the seat.
April 16: I have not been reacting well to having in-laws. They have somehow managed to bring out my rebellious teenage phase at the age of 28. My kids have had very strong reactions to the pink hair, but none of them have stopped screaming long enough for me to figure out if they like it or not.
much love,
hedgie
Sunday, April 8, 2018
a taco a day
April 1: There were bright red sign evenly spaced out over the acres of farmland along the freeway. The first sign read “A Taco”. A few minutes later we passed “A Day”. Dead grass and a few lonely trees fell in between until we reached “Keeps The”. Doctor? Was that the new phrase? Tacos keep the doctor away? Then the answer was cleared up. “Hangry Away.”
April 2: The school now has a drum circle elective, which they have decided to locate ten feet outside of our door. It’s been going on for over two hours. I got a headache after ten minutes.
April 3: Miss Melissa had everyone sit in a circle on the rainbow rug and share what they did over spring break. Montse went first.
“I went to Vacaville and I died…” her voice trailed off. Melissa and her assistant traded confused looks until Montse finished her sentence. “Easter eggs.”
April 4: Serenity waited until the room was silent to announce to everyone that she thinks I’m really cute when I sleep. Everyone’s eyes darted towards me. I wasn’t sure what to do with this information. Serenity could tell something had passed between us all. “What? I meant it as a compliment,” she said.
April 5: Even after factoring in all the benefits I get from Nick’s insurance, my two pairs of glasses alone are costing me an entire week’s paycheck. How are teachers even still alive right now?
April 6: When it rains during school hours, the kids seem to accept they will lose out on morning and lunch recess. But by after-school, kids hold you personally responsible for the rain and will angrily bunch up their fists and glare at you when you tell them they are stuck inside.
April 7: Max and Jenny lost one of the twins. I wish I could do something more helpful than send them my love and condolences over text.
April 8: Charlize Theron had the shiniest legs I have ever seen in my life. It was hard to concentrate during her interview because my eyes continued to switch between being blinded by her shins and looking at the emotion on her face. But I did leave that night with one resounding memory, Charlize Theron reminding us all to “dream big, fuckers!”.
much love,
hedgie
April 2: The school now has a drum circle elective, which they have decided to locate ten feet outside of our door. It’s been going on for over two hours. I got a headache after ten minutes.
April 3: Miss Melissa had everyone sit in a circle on the rainbow rug and share what they did over spring break. Montse went first.
“I went to Vacaville and I died…” her voice trailed off. Melissa and her assistant traded confused looks until Montse finished her sentence. “Easter eggs.”
April 4: Serenity waited until the room was silent to announce to everyone that she thinks I’m really cute when I sleep. Everyone’s eyes darted towards me. I wasn’t sure what to do with this information. Serenity could tell something had passed between us all. “What? I meant it as a compliment,” she said.
April 5: Even after factoring in all the benefits I get from Nick’s insurance, my two pairs of glasses alone are costing me an entire week’s paycheck. How are teachers even still alive right now?
April 6: When it rains during school hours, the kids seem to accept they will lose out on morning and lunch recess. But by after-school, kids hold you personally responsible for the rain and will angrily bunch up their fists and glare at you when you tell them they are stuck inside.
April 7: Max and Jenny lost one of the twins. I wish I could do something more helpful than send them my love and condolences over text.
April 8: Charlize Theron had the shiniest legs I have ever seen in my life. It was hard to concentrate during her interview because my eyes continued to switch between being blinded by her shins and looking at the emotion on her face. But I did leave that night with one resounding memory, Charlize Theron reminding us all to “dream big, fuckers!”.
much love,
hedgie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)