my dog is an asshole

A few nights ago, best friend came over to visit on her night off. She has never been inside my actual apartment yet, so after she parked, she called me to come find her. She was only a block away, so it was a quick journey.

When we started climbing up the stairs, Addie heard us talking. She got very excited and started jumping up onto the door before we reached the landing. Unfortunately, I have one of those deadbolt locks with an oval knob you turn horizontal to unlock and vertical to lock. While jumping onto the door, she managed to lock it from the inside with her paws.

I didn't bring my key with me.

Dramatic reenactment. 

I tried calling Nick for help because he had the only other key, but he was two hours away from his flight back here from Sacramento, so he was no help. He suggested that I call Katie, our subletter currently in Arizona, to see if she knew what to do in this type of situation. She didn't answer.

Heidi managed to take off the screen from the main window, but the window was locked. All the while, Addie continued to jump onto the door, not understanding why we weren't coming in already.

There was nothing we could do but wait for Nick to come back and hope that Addie didn't eat anything she probably shouldn't. We went to the jacuzzi with a bottle of wine Heidi happened to have. I had to hop the fence because a certain puppy I will not name also locked the pool keys inside of the apartment.

Katie eventually called back, but she didn't know any office numbers that could help me. So she basically called back just to laugh at me.

After a few hours, Nick arrived from the airport and collected us from the jacuzzi.

Just look at how smug she is.





much love,
hedgie

page 45

This image has been going around the internet for awhile:

 

So I decided to figure out what my love life is all about. The book closest to me is The Risk Pool. My sentence is:

"My mother, no doubt remembering the small beans-and-hot-dog casserole already steaming in the center of the kitchen table, looked homicidal, and I was glad the police had confiscated my grandfather's revolver."

Should I be worried?

much love,

hedgie

my laptop and phone are equally confused

Today, I logged onto my other blog, which I use as a journal, to find something I had written about a few months ago. Since the entries are fairly boring and used to complain and talk about my day, I keep it unlisted and private. Yet, that didn't stop random journal entries from suddenly obtaining thousands and thousands of likes, including one about a trip to a botanical garden that mysteriously reached 426,019 likes.

And then my phone, for some reason, is completely convinced that I have spent time just outside of Africa, in the Gulf of Guinea.

 

Clicking on the pin there reveals photos from outside my parents' house in Orange County, Circus Vargas photos in Irvine, Silver Lake photos from Northern California, and photos from an aerials class I took at Atomic Ballroom. 

And according to my Facebook map, New York and New Hampshire are now both located in Antarctica. 

Thanks, Bing.

I don't understand.

much love,

hedgie

new year, new things to bore you with

No lessons learned here.

To ring in the new year, we went bowling:

 And we did a horrible job of it.

 Especially when Maria got a gutter ball with the bumpers up.

 Everyone over 21 got a mini bottle of what was the worst champagne that exists in the world.

 And then Katie invented a new bowling move that she calls "The Steamroller".

The morning after. It can only go up from here:

Christmas for Mom's side of the family:

We went to the dog beach again:

Nick ordered Google Glass:

And then I realized that I am now the type of dog owner I used to make fun of.

 Lyle made this face for about five minutes straight.

 Heidi visited the future and immediately used it to Google the dirtiest things she could think of.

Then I ran another Color in Motion 5K while I had the flu:

We got a visit from Nate and Corrie and hilarity ensued:

Then Nick and I ran in the Inaugural Tinkerbell 10K:

At 6 in the morning.

 I celebrated finishing my first 10K by going straight back to bed.

 I miss Disneyland so much.

People keep trying to convince me and Nick that we should live on a boat. Here's why I think it's a bad idea:

Deciding to watch The Fox and the Hound again was probably the worst decision of my adult life:

My GISHWHES Book finally arrived. I was quoted and our book Big Ben got featured in it:

And Addie decided this is her new favorite way to cuddle:

much love,
hedgie

driving home

This is something I have been working on lately. It started out as a Ten Things I Love flash fiction based off the wild sunflowers that grow on the side of the freeway, but it keeps expanding. I guess I will just call it a fiction for now until I figure out where it is going:

Currently editing this story to submit elsewhere. Maybe I will put it back in the future. But, for now, wish me luck.

much love,

hedgie 

steampunk symposium

This is the story of the time I spent a weekend on The Queen Mary with a giant group of Steampunk fanatics.

The final draft of this story is currently under consideration.



Read the rest of it (and my other essays) here.



much love,
hedgie

sherlock fan art

SHERLOCK LIVES! I drew some things during the long, long hiatus.

Work in progress. Sherlock's face is being particularly difficult in this shot.

And soon we will all get to start the what will probably be a five-year wait for season 4.




much love,
hedgie