February 13: I want to punch whoever taught the students how to play dodgeball. Over the last few weeks, I haven’t been able to get through a whole morning recess shift without someone bleeding or having to break up a fist fight.
February 14: Nick got a stomach bug halfway through Valentine’s Day. On one hand, I felt bad that he clearly wasn’t feeling well. But on the other hand, I got to eat our chocolate soufflé by myself.
February 15: The plague is upon us again. Melissa and Manny called in sick today and both Fernando and Isabel are on the verge of following suit.
February 16: The first graders were released from the bus on their return from their field trip where they watched Aladdin preformed entirely by a cast of elderly white women. A wild stream of them ran screaming by as I stepped out of the bungalow to get a drink of water. I now have a vague idea of how the people who run with the bulls feel.
February 17: Luis warned us over the foil-wrapped and on fire sushi roll that if we ever made it out to Thailand that we should never touch a child on the head. We are all still trying to figure out why he felt we needed to be taught to not touch children we don’t know.
February 18: I started playing Words With Friends again. Elaine just played the word “dildo” against me for 20 points.
February 19: A secret I had mailed to PostSecret almost a decade ago showed up on the website again. I can still remember making it at the desk of my dorm room in North Morlan, but I don’t feel connected to it, like I had watched it happen on a movie screen instead of been a part of it.
much love,
hedgie
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Sunday, February 12, 2017
buses only
February 6: Abel only brings his backpack to school around once every two weeks, and on those days, he usually leaves it in the classroom and only remembers it after the school has already been locked up. Today was the only day for the last three weeks that he brought his backpack. It smelled so rank that I had to push it out in the hallway to stop the rest of my students from gagging.
February 7: We FaceTimed Uncle Steve so that my detective class could have the chance to talk to a real detective and hear what a day in the life of one was like.
Celeste was the first to raise her hand. “Are you old?”
February 8: Shanah had me wait outside of the bungalow so that I could walk with her and her family. “Miss Skye said she would get me a chocker necklace for Valentine’s Day,” she said as we waited for the light on the street corner we separated at. “I hope she does so that I can be more like her.” She gave me a side glance before heading towards home. “No offense, Miss Heather.”
February 9: I found a “No Parking, Buses Only” sign jammed into the plastic cover of the fluorescent ceiling light that was at least 10 feet above my head. I made all of my students pinkie promise that they would not park a car upside-down on the ceiling. Three of them refused to make such a promise.
February 10: Nancy keeps calling me aside to make guesses as to what George is up to right now. They usually involve him jumping up and down on the bed or breaking into the fridge to eat all of the carrots. Today, she suggested that Addie and George were having a food fight by way of magic.
February 11: A woman pushed her toddler in a stroller past us and there was a bottle of champagne and a plastic jug of orange juice stashed in the under storage compartment. I aspire to be that kind of mother some day.
February 12: Luli and I kept getting distracted during our talk about how our wedding planning journeys were going because a man decided to show his children how a push mower worked without teaching them to not stick their tiny arms through the twisted blades to pick up pieces of shorn grass.
much love,
hedgie
February 7: We FaceTimed Uncle Steve so that my detective class could have the chance to talk to a real detective and hear what a day in the life of one was like.
Celeste was the first to raise her hand. “Are you old?”
February 8: Shanah had me wait outside of the bungalow so that I could walk with her and her family. “Miss Skye said she would get me a chocker necklace for Valentine’s Day,” she said as we waited for the light on the street corner we separated at. “I hope she does so that I can be more like her.” She gave me a side glance before heading towards home. “No offense, Miss Heather.”
February 9: I found a “No Parking, Buses Only” sign jammed into the plastic cover of the fluorescent ceiling light that was at least 10 feet above my head. I made all of my students pinkie promise that they would not park a car upside-down on the ceiling. Three of them refused to make such a promise.
February 10: Nancy keeps calling me aside to make guesses as to what George is up to right now. They usually involve him jumping up and down on the bed or breaking into the fridge to eat all of the carrots. Today, she suggested that Addie and George were having a food fight by way of magic.
February 11: A woman pushed her toddler in a stroller past us and there was a bottle of champagne and a plastic jug of orange juice stashed in the under storage compartment. I aspire to be that kind of mother some day.
February 12: Luli and I kept getting distracted during our talk about how our wedding planning journeys were going because a man decided to show his children how a push mower worked without teaching them to not stick their tiny arms through the twisted blades to pick up pieces of shorn grass.
much love,
hedgie
Sunday, February 5, 2017
acupuncture needles
February 1: An hour after she came into the office, Jen asked me if I could check her shoulder blade for an acupuncture needle. She suspected one was left in from her appointment this morning because it was not the first time this place had left needles pinned into her back. I found the needle, bent over from her shirt, the outer end spiraled in order to make it more noticeable and avoid the situation she found herself in twice now.
February 2: Arianna had a homework assignment that required her to write three opinions about the requirements a person needs to meet in order to run for president. Her first issue was with the age minimum. She believes that younger people should be allowed for consideration. “How old are you?” she asked me, halfway through writing her sentence.
I picked a Fruit Roll-Up wrapper off the floor. “27.”
“I think the age should be 27,” she said.
February 3: After my lesson on different foods that are good and bad for the brain, Miss Skye has told me that everyday, at least six of her students come up to her one at a time to let her know that her Diet Coke is rotting her mind.
February 4: Nick and I both ordered large milk teas at FrosTea, but nothing prepared us for the beach pail-sized drinks we were handed three minutes later.
February 5: I’m still congested two weeks later. Even my ears feel stuffed up and it’s affecting my sense of balance. I wish there was a way to deflate my own head.
much love,
hedgie
February 2: Arianna had a homework assignment that required her to write three opinions about the requirements a person needs to meet in order to run for president. Her first issue was with the age minimum. She believes that younger people should be allowed for consideration. “How old are you?” she asked me, halfway through writing her sentence.
I picked a Fruit Roll-Up wrapper off the floor. “27.”
“I think the age should be 27,” she said.
February 3: After my lesson on different foods that are good and bad for the brain, Miss Skye has told me that everyday, at least six of her students come up to her one at a time to let her know that her Diet Coke is rotting her mind.
February 4: Nick and I both ordered large milk teas at FrosTea, but nothing prepared us for the beach pail-sized drinks we were handed three minutes later.
February 5: I’m still congested two weeks later. Even my ears feel stuffed up and it’s affecting my sense of balance. I wish there was a way to deflate my own head.
much love,
hedgie
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
frantic elvis
January 22: Just inside the main entrance of Lowe’s, there is an aisle of shelves stacked with powerful cleaning detergents and liquids. Many of them are bright colors and packaged in clear plastic containers that make them look more like gallons of sugary fruit juice than soap and bleach.
January 23: Miss Karina’s classroom had a new poster for her students to tack up their feelings for the newly-elected president. There were Post-its talking about how feo he is and that he is muy malo. Along the bottom, there were a few yellow squares that depicted crude drawings of Trump getting decapitated by a creeper from Minecraft.
January 24: I taught my lesson on how to tell if someone is lying to my detective class today. Now the third graders keep chasing each other, asking questions about their personal lives and then screaming WHY DID YOU LOOK AWAY WHEN I ASKED THAT?
January 25: Melissa handed me a stack of papers today that turned out to be Robert's instruction manual. It was a series of tips for working with children with disabilities that looked like they had been copied and pasted straight from Wikipedia. Each page was personalized with clip art of Spiderman or Catboy, but not personalized enough to go beyond recommending that I praise successes.
January 26: Angel couldn’t wait to show me his hula hoop skills at recess today. He planted his feet far apart and his arms shot straight up into the air, but his wrists and fingers drooped, making his look like a human marionette. His tongue poked out of his mouth in his eager concentration while he wildly swiveled his hips, a tiny, frantic Elvis.
January 27: Addie has two tiny whirlpools of hair on either side of her snout just under her eyes that make it look like she was recently wearing reading glasses
January 28: It’s been awhile since George’s last haircut and during his walk today, a chunk of poop got stuck in his hair again. Nick didn’t want to bother trying to clean it off, so pulled on a pair of rubber gloves and set to cutting away all the hair with the scissors that came with his sewing kit. When he was done, he threw the scissors straight into the trash.
January 29: I’m getting started on my detective lessons for this week. I wrote out a few riddles in invisible ink on post-it notes that I plan on hiding throughout the classroom. For a few brief, horrifying and ironic moments, I completely lost both of my invisible ink pens.
January 30: The fire alarm went off twice today at the school. The principal tried to play it off like the first one was planned, but I don’t think anyone is buying it.
January 31: Heidi spent all day texting me the interesting names she has found while organizing clients’ files. We are now trying to figure out how to set up a client whose first names is Shizang with a different client whose last name is Wigglesworth.
much love,
hedgie
January 23: Miss Karina’s classroom had a new poster for her students to tack up their feelings for the newly-elected president. There were Post-its talking about how feo he is and that he is muy malo. Along the bottom, there were a few yellow squares that depicted crude drawings of Trump getting decapitated by a creeper from Minecraft.
January 24: I taught my lesson on how to tell if someone is lying to my detective class today. Now the third graders keep chasing each other, asking questions about their personal lives and then screaming WHY DID YOU LOOK AWAY WHEN I ASKED THAT?
January 25: Melissa handed me a stack of papers today that turned out to be Robert's instruction manual. It was a series of tips for working with children with disabilities that looked like they had been copied and pasted straight from Wikipedia. Each page was personalized with clip art of Spiderman or Catboy, but not personalized enough to go beyond recommending that I praise successes.
January 26: Angel couldn’t wait to show me his hula hoop skills at recess today. He planted his feet far apart and his arms shot straight up into the air, but his wrists and fingers drooped, making his look like a human marionette. His tongue poked out of his mouth in his eager concentration while he wildly swiveled his hips, a tiny, frantic Elvis.
January 27: Addie has two tiny whirlpools of hair on either side of her snout just under her eyes that make it look like she was recently wearing reading glasses
January 28: It’s been awhile since George’s last haircut and during his walk today, a chunk of poop got stuck in his hair again. Nick didn’t want to bother trying to clean it off, so pulled on a pair of rubber gloves and set to cutting away all the hair with the scissors that came with his sewing kit. When he was done, he threw the scissors straight into the trash.
January 29: I’m getting started on my detective lessons for this week. I wrote out a few riddles in invisible ink on post-it notes that I plan on hiding throughout the classroom. For a few brief, horrifying and ironic moments, I completely lost both of my invisible ink pens.
January 30: The fire alarm went off twice today at the school. The principal tried to play it off like the first one was planned, but I don’t think anyone is buying it.
January 31: Heidi spent all day texting me the interesting names she has found while organizing clients’ files. We are now trying to figure out how to set up a client whose first names is Shizang with a different client whose last name is Wigglesworth.
much love,
hedgie
Saturday, January 21, 2017
inflatable t-rex
January 15: One of my Spanish apps taught me how to say “I am a cat. Do you need money?” in Spanish today (Soy un gato. Necessitas dinero?). So that’s helpful.
January16: AmeriCrops had mandatory community service for MLK Jr Day. I got put to sanding and paining a porch for four-hours straight. Other people from our team got to man the tables, helping to make flower crowns for children or passing out free condoms.
January 17: Robert cried today when I told him we would have outdoor recess and he thought it was too cold to go outside. Ten minutes later, he cried again when I told him that recess would run short because we were running late for our electives. (The next morning, he glared at me while waiting for the rest of the after school students and told me that he told his mom about how I took away his recess. He continued to glower at me with the self-satisfaction of a person who was convinced they could get me fired whenever they felt inclined to.)
January 18:The cafeteria served cucumbers at snack today. My girls skipped eating them and instead laid back on the benches with two slices placed on their eyelids and pretended to have a spa day in the middle of the crowded cafeteria.
January 19: Abel was two cards away from beating Shanah at Uno. He giggled and could barely contain his glee. “I can almost smell the taste of victory!”
January 20: Skye was trying to figure out what time the inauguration would take place to see if she could watch it on TV or if she would be working then. We finally decided that we would know the inauguration had happened when you felt a sudden chill running through your body.
January 21: The peaceful protesters slowly marched through the steady drizzle down Market Street. Most people were not prepared for the weather and their posters with catchy rainbow phrases were running down onto their exposed wrists. Women belong in the resistance. Girls just want to have FUNdamental rights. An inflated T-rex stumbling over the potholes, clutching a sign that read "Evolve".
much love,
hedgie
January16: AmeriCrops had mandatory community service for MLK Jr Day. I got put to sanding and paining a porch for four-hours straight. Other people from our team got to man the tables, helping to make flower crowns for children or passing out free condoms.
January 17: Robert cried today when I told him we would have outdoor recess and he thought it was too cold to go outside. Ten minutes later, he cried again when I told him that recess would run short because we were running late for our electives. (The next morning, he glared at me while waiting for the rest of the after school students and told me that he told his mom about how I took away his recess. He continued to glower at me with the self-satisfaction of a person who was convinced they could get me fired whenever they felt inclined to.)
January 18:The cafeteria served cucumbers at snack today. My girls skipped eating them and instead laid back on the benches with two slices placed on their eyelids and pretended to have a spa day in the middle of the crowded cafeteria.
January 19: Abel was two cards away from beating Shanah at Uno. He giggled and could barely contain his glee. “I can almost smell the taste of victory!”
January 20: Skye was trying to figure out what time the inauguration would take place to see if she could watch it on TV or if she would be working then. We finally decided that we would know the inauguration had happened when you felt a sudden chill running through your body.
January 21: The peaceful protesters slowly marched through the steady drizzle down Market Street. Most people were not prepared for the weather and their posters with catchy rainbow phrases were running down onto their exposed wrists. Women belong in the resistance. Girls just want to have FUNdamental rights. An inflated T-rex stumbling over the potholes, clutching a sign that read "Evolve".
much love,
hedgie
Saturday, January 14, 2017
african killer bees
January 8: I called Shannon tonight so that we could catch up on each other’s lives since we last saw each other a few months after we ended our therapy sessions at Kaiser and we ended up spending an hour talking about African Killer Bees.
January 9: A few weeks ago, the heater was left on overnight, leading us to open up the bungalow to a sauna the next morning. Ana taped up a sign to remind us to turn the heater off before we leave. A lot of kids end up misreading the sign and once a week, one will ask me why I need to be turned off.
January 10: Natalie suggested that all the people teaching the brains segment of the nutritions camp to look up the UCSF lending library. Apparently, they rent (or at least used to a few years ago) actual human organs. I tried to imagine what it would be like to walk to work with a brain sloshing around in my backpack.
January 11: I woke up with a sore throat this morning. No matter what I am eating, it feels like I’m trying to swallow the state of Arizona whole.
January 12: The boiler room flooded and cut off the electricity for the entire day. It was dark and we couldn’t even boil water to make hot drinks. Jen was so cold that she wore a bright purple monster hat, a part of her daughter’s past Halloween costume.
January 13: The electricity at the school was fixed, only for there to be a gas leak. School was cancelled today.
January 14: I can’t stop thinking about ice cream. I’ve spent almost all week drinking only hot tea and eating only hot soups that I’m missing other temperatures. Nick bought me a pint of Three Twin’s Mint Confetti and it took all of my self control to not eat it all in one sitting.
much love,
hedgie
January 9: A few weeks ago, the heater was left on overnight, leading us to open up the bungalow to a sauna the next morning. Ana taped up a sign to remind us to turn the heater off before we leave. A lot of kids end up misreading the sign and once a week, one will ask me why I need to be turned off.
January 10: Natalie suggested that all the people teaching the brains segment of the nutritions camp to look up the UCSF lending library. Apparently, they rent (or at least used to a few years ago) actual human organs. I tried to imagine what it would be like to walk to work with a brain sloshing around in my backpack.
January 11: I woke up with a sore throat this morning. No matter what I am eating, it feels like I’m trying to swallow the state of Arizona whole.
January 12: The boiler room flooded and cut off the electricity for the entire day. It was dark and we couldn’t even boil water to make hot drinks. Jen was so cold that she wore a bright purple monster hat, a part of her daughter’s past Halloween costume.
January 13: The electricity at the school was fixed, only for there to be a gas leak. School was cancelled today.
January 14: I can’t stop thinking about ice cream. I’ve spent almost all week drinking only hot tea and eating only hot soups that I’m missing other temperatures. Nick bought me a pint of Three Twin’s Mint Confetti and it took all of my self control to not eat it all in one sitting.
much love,
hedgie
Saturday, January 7, 2017
second choice
Fear not, friends, I am alive and well. I started a new job awhile back and once you read my daily brief vignettes and get to know my students a bit better, I think you'll understand why I had to abandon the internet for so long.
January 1: On the Grapevine, about 50 cars were pulled over to the side of the road so that families could have a spontaneous snowball fight with the drifts still lined along the highway.
January 2: Nick is going to give his two weeks notice to EMC today. Fingers crossed that he gets fired!
January 3: Milo, Luna, and Joanna begged me to do my dance at snack today. Then they ran over to Ana and tried to convince her to fire me because the dance was so bad it was making it impossible for them to focus on their homework.
January 4: My students asked what my elective this quarter was going to be and I told them all about my detective course. Even though they have only heard about my class, a number of them have already listed it as their second choice.
January 5: Luna won the raffle and choose to be my assistant this week. She has been leading the class through our transitions with an uncannily good impression of me. She even waited for the students to gather by the door to count them all before dismissing them by yelling, “FREEDOM!”.
January 6: In the big tent, Nick, Greg, Elaine, and I watched a man contort himself into terrifying loops and knots on the Cirque du Soleil main stage. He looked more like a snake than a person. I couldn’t decide which was more unsettling, the inhuman way he could sit on his own head, or the inhuman way he stared into my eyes as he did so.
January 7: ‘R’s are almost silent in English, which makes it very hard to correctly pronounce words in Spanish. I keep either not rolling my ‘R’s at all, or rolling them way too much until every word sounds like a bad impression of a snare drum.
much love,
hedgie
January 1: On the Grapevine, about 50 cars were pulled over to the side of the road so that families could have a spontaneous snowball fight with the drifts still lined along the highway.
January 2: Nick is going to give his two weeks notice to EMC today. Fingers crossed that he gets fired!
January 3: Milo, Luna, and Joanna begged me to do my dance at snack today. Then they ran over to Ana and tried to convince her to fire me because the dance was so bad it was making it impossible for them to focus on their homework.
January 4: My students asked what my elective this quarter was going to be and I told them all about my detective course. Even though they have only heard about my class, a number of them have already listed it as their second choice.
January 5: Luna won the raffle and choose to be my assistant this week. She has been leading the class through our transitions with an uncannily good impression of me. She even waited for the students to gather by the door to count them all before dismissing them by yelling, “FREEDOM!”.
January 6: In the big tent, Nick, Greg, Elaine, and I watched a man contort himself into terrifying loops and knots on the Cirque du Soleil main stage. He looked more like a snake than a person. I couldn’t decide which was more unsettling, the inhuman way he could sit on his own head, or the inhuman way he stared into my eyes as he did so.
January 7: ‘R’s are almost silent in English, which makes it very hard to correctly pronounce words in Spanish. I keep either not rolling my ‘R’s at all, or rolling them way too much until every word sounds like a bad impression of a snare drum.
much love,
hedgie
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