swagger

July 17: Sabrina called it “The Reckoning”. She didn’t mean to scare Olivia with it, but she did. It was the time in Olivia’s life when Saturn was returning to the spot it was when she was born. It takes 29.5 years, and when it does this, the person is supposed to enter the next phase of their lives. It’s a make it or break it stage. Olivia was not a big believer in astrology, but Sabrina couldn’t get enough of it. When she was introduced to people, she would forget their names, but remember their birthdays for years afterwards. While shopping for prom dresses, Sabrina once watched her friend admire herself in a red, backless dress in the store’s mirror. She smiled knowingly and whispered, “Such a libra.”

July 18: At around three in the morning, a man went around the dark street screaming ‘fuck you’ at nothing and throwing our trashcans as far across the street as he could.

July 19: An older man stood in my path as I walked the dogs. He pointed a shaking finger and George and smiled. “That dog walks with swagger.”

July 20: I was put in charge of the spin art station. I would fit the cardboard stock into place and have the kids choose their colors before I closed the lids and turned on the spin feature. The kids would so carefully layer bright colors in the center, but just at the end, squeeze a bottle too hard and coat the entire thing in blue and have to start the process over again.

July 21: Koa was dropped off for the weekend. I went through his travel bag and arranged his things on the kitchen table to take inventory. There was a bag of his dog food, a smaller bag of meat-free treats, two stiffed animals, and an inflatable vest. In case we went sailing on Saturday?

July 22: For a week, I thought the apartment next door had been infiltrated by a rat or a raccoon. There was always skittering sound paired with a dragging one, which made me think it was something small and low-slung. Turns out that its the new neighbors’ pug that is mostly blind and has leg problems.

July 23: In a solitary setting, I feel free to let my mind wander. The vast majority of my ideas come from when I am alone and think about how the urban legend of cow tipping started. It allows my mind to wonder “what ifs” without restraints like what if a child’s pet dies and their parent isn’t ready to discuss death? Being alone with my thoughts churns up old memories, such as the last time I saw my grandfather. I also get the majority of my writing done alone, where I can focus solely on words and ideas. My co-workers and I meet weekly to brainstorm everything from ideas for electives to dealing with overaggressive ICE agents. I love seeing the way people interact and what they are passionate about. I am inspired by the way other people’s minds work. It also feels good when I can give out advice that can help someone add a little silliness to their lesson or avoid learning things the hard way. We all have different strong points that make us stronger together. Our jobs can also be very stressful. We share our fears and struggles that come up with our work. Sometimes just being in a room full of people in the same situation is enough to make all of us feel strong enough to continue.

July 24: I was happy before The Library Book. I loved my job and knew what I wanted. Now I want to quit my job and become a librarian.



much love,
hedgie