roughly 85% popcorn kernels

April 8: We finally had all the Monday Clubs today. Volleyball was just wrapping up when it began to sprinkle. I was about to lead them back into the school when the fire alarm was pulled. We were all forced to stand in the rain for ten minutes. None of us were prepared for rain, so no one was wearing waterproof clothes. Half the kids didn’t even bring jackets today. There was also a man on the other side of the park who danced in the rain the entire time. It was a very off-kilter day.

April 9: Kelly was the Teacher’s Assistant today and the power went to her head. She sprinted across the cafeteria to be the first in line for snack and gave line up minutes to the kids in class that she did not like. I watched her as she gave Orlando two minutes even though he was sitting quietly and eating his orange at the opposite end of the table. And I’m almost certain she took a bribe of Goldfish Crackers when it was time for her to choose the two students who wiped down the table before we went out to recess.

April 10: Only one egg survived the egg drop challenge, but I’m not sure if it counts because they got too excited and cracked their original egg before I could finish giving everyone their supplies.

April 11: I told everyone at work about the time I tried to play Heads Up, a phone-version of the game Taboo. It was on the category of “Accents and Impressions”, which got very uncomfortable very quickly because no one knew how to play it without becoming racist. Jen didn’t think it would be that hard. I asked how she would play “Italian” and she immediately started naming types of pasta. Then I asked how she would play “Japanese” and she said konichiwa before quickly moving onto Japanese-sounding gibberish. Shoomi-shoomi and other things that just further proved my point. Then I asked how she would play “White”. Maria jumped in by yelling that she would like to speak to a manager. Jen held her hand to her mouth like she was speaking into a phone. “Hello, 911? They are out here barbecuing!”

April 12:

Johana got confused when Moana’s grandmother showed up again in the movie as a sparking blue creature who could appear and vanish within seconds.
“She died!” Briana shouted at her.
“That’s her spirit,” Luna explained, only a little more patiently.
Johana still didn’t quite understand the concept. She just got more confused when the blue visions started incorporating her ancestors, hundreds of men and women sailing on boats across the sea. She looked up at me with her mouth hanging open and her eyebrows sunk close to the bridge of her nose. “Wait. Did the boats die too?”

And

My hair has grown out long enough that I can put it up now. I put my hair in a ponytail today and three of my kids claimed they could no longer recognize me because of it.

April 13: Whenever I go online, I read about how scared men are to approach women now. How the feminists are ruining everything because now they think twice before touching people. I smile and know that I am raising a whole generation of little girls that are going to be their worst nightmare.

April 14: The Italian deli on Valencia is closing soon. I wondered if they would sell the giant cuts of prosciutto at a discount when they got closer to that day. 
“What would we even do with that amount of prosciutto? Sell it on the black market.”
“Maybe we could also buy one of the slicers. I’ll wear a trench coat lined with baggies of it. I will be known as The Mission Pork Princess.”

April 15: Briana made a cat’s cradle with her string. She asked me to stick my hand down through the center opening. When I did, she dropped the two outer openings so that I was left with the string looped once loosely around my wrist. She made a second cat’s cradle with the larger circle left over and asked me to put my hand up through the center opening. She dropped the string from every finger but her thumbs and yanked hard. The string was now an empty circle in her hands as if it had cut through my bones and muscles. I immediately yanked my hand into my sleeve and yelped. I held the handless sleeve up to her and screamed, “What have you done, Briana? What have you done?”

April 16: George suddenly discovered the box of microwaveable popcorn we have kept on the bottom shelf since we first got him three years ago. His poop this morning was roughly 85% popcorn kernels.





much love,
hedgie