laughing so hard that she is crying

July 25: The ocean seemed impatient today. The waves would surge and crash within a few feet. It left the swells so tall and thin that when they peaked, I could see straight through it to the dangling legs of everyone riding the wave out.

July 26: I got to meet Roni’s fiancé for the first time. We even drove by their wedding location. Usually, they are able to wander around when they visit, but that day there was an actual wedding reception going. We kept debating if we were dressed nice enough to just wander in and check their setup out without looking suspicious.

July 27: My parents have been having monthly lunches with the Tedrows. They take turns paying for the entire meal, ensuring that they will continue meeting up for meals. I joined the one today. It was a strange sensation to eat with them again, warm and recognizable, but new at the same time. These were people that I knew so well and were a huge part of my life for a long time, but that part of my life hasn’t existed for about 15 years.

July 28: It’s funny how getting drinks with good friends can be relieve and add stress at the same time. It’s nice to know that we are all going through stuff and aren’t alone, but it still isn’t great to hear about the the shitty things we are all dealing with. All of us were trying to figure out how to give help when we all needed help ourselves.

July 29: More updates keep coming in about the Girlroy Garlic Festival shooting. A six-year old boy died. Everyday, it gets harder and harder to feel safe in public. I am so tired of hearing about shootings and thinking ‘another one already?’. I’m sick of mapping out plans in my head for what I would do if a shooter suddenly came out when I’m with my kids. If the table would be enough to barricade the door. How many students could I fit into the closet and under the teacher’s desk. What could be done if one of my kids was at the bathroom when it happened.

July 30: Katie cannot get over the cashew joke Matt told her at my birthday party. She tells it at least five times every time I see her even though even we hang out with has already heard it. Out of nowhere, she asks to no one in particular, “What did the nut say while chasing another nut?” No one says anything. At this point, she is already laughing so hard that she is crying. “I’mma cashew!”

July 31: I just realized that the ring I bought has a fake turquoise stone is the exact same shade as the walls of my childhood bedroom. The black, wavering lines run through it like it is cracked and ready to fall apart at any moment.




much love,
hedgie