for 16 months

August 10: Everything about the Space Needle seemed to be designed to make me uncomfortable. The outer ledges and seats are made out of a thick, clear plastic meant for people to lean back on over 600 feet up in the air. There is also a revolving glass floor that immediately made me feel nauseated and unbalanced. Every foot of the clear sections of floor were covered in people laying on their backs and taking selfies. Every few minutes, people with a vacuum-like contraption clean off all smudges and fingerprints.

August 11: I think I reached peak Seattle Tourist. I worked on my novel in a Starbucks while it was raining.

August 12: Every year, we go through the same online trainings at work. They go over how to handle conflict in the workplace, how to keep an office safe, and how to avoid sexual harassment. This year, they added a new one: how to survive an active shooting.

August 13: There is going to be one less 5th grade teacher than usual this year. Now there will be 30 kids in each of these classes.

August 14: We all have our own individual desks in the bungalow this year. Melissa and Ana decided to do this in hopes it will prevent us from taking over too much space and going into what is meant for others. I don’t think that will stop Connie. They also did it to separate Fernando and Jen from talking too much. They are setting me between them.

August 15: I finished the first draft of Panning For Pyrite today. I keep going back and forth between being excited and terrified. I don’t know how I am supposed to feel after finishing such a huge step after working on it for 16 months.

August 16: I got sick just in time for the start of the school year. I caught what Nick spent a week claiming was just his “allergies”. Now my throat feels like it’s been worked on by a cheese grater and I can’t breathe out of my nose.

August 17: I already have enough people who don’t love me in my life. I don’t see why I have to invite more of them in and why I have to just accept it. Why do I have to be the adult and forgive the 60-year old man who still acts like a child and hasn’t even apologized to me?
Recently, he has been asking me to show him the first draft of my book. I already told him no in person and now he has written on my facebook wall and called himself my family too. After Nick talked to him about him making me feel uncared for and like he wishes I wasn’t there, his apparent way of fixing this isn’t him saying sorry, but for me to give him something extremely personal and vulnerable. And then they way he did it on Facebook, there’s no real way I can reject him without me looking like the asshole. Plus, I’ve seen the way he reacts to books written by family members. I want no part in it. I spent five minutes listening to the entire family talk about Lisa’s books. They said that they read random parts out loud to each other to make fun of it. They said they never finished reading the entire thing. They said they gave them away and would never have them on their bookshelves. I never heard a single nice comment from any of them.




much love,
hedgie