May 17: For the third year in a row, Abel didn’t want to attend the March To College, but was signed up for it anyway. Halfway through the walk, he stopped supporting his head and let it flop around on top of his neck. He walked so slowly that we were being overtaken by the mothers pushing strollers and holding the hand of lettering toddlers. But as soon as the pizza came out, he was fast as lightning, disappearing for a second slice in the few moments it took for Melissa to hand me my sign out sheet.
May 18: Katie never played MASH in elementary school, so Heidi and I decided to show her how it’s done. It’s surprisingly difficult to fill out all the categories. It took her a full five minutes to come up with three possible husbands. In the end, she ended up marrying Mike Pence, having 23 kids with him in their apartment. She drove a jeep to her job being a professional surfer and her pet is Dobby, but both ends are a butt.
May 19: The neighbors across from us have put a Trump piñata in their window. It just sits there with its arms outstretched onto the sill and a look of horror on its face. It scares me every time I see it when I cross the living room because it looks like someone staring in at us.
May 20: During meditation, Valerye and Gwendolyn were huddled in the corner. Valerie tried to get my attention. “Miss Heather, do you want to smell something?”
I said no without looking up from my sign out sheet. Nothing good could ever come from that question.
May 21: When I came in to work, Jen was alone in the bungalow. She started talking about how Sirprince had threatened to bring a backpack of knives and kill all the teachers in the school. The chair next to her moved and Fernando popped his head out from behind his jacket to add a comment. His power naps are now so stealthy I spent ten minutes in a room with him without even realizing that he was there.
May 22: The school is holding the Caine’s Arcade event on Friday. The upper grades make games out of cardboard boxes for the younger grades and let them win prizes. Cardboard boxes have been abandoned in the hallways all week. It has brought out the cat in Abel. Every day this week when I have come out of pick up, he is sitting inside of a box and refuses to come out. He tries to scoot it forward only to rip it apart within minutes.
May 23: Today, Maria told her students that she wouldn’t be returning next year. They asked her, what about the year after that?
May 24: Jen has been running up and down the stairs all day to deal with Adrian. She asked me for a Tylenol as soon as I came in because her left buttcheek won’t stop twitching. She is starting to suspect that it is now her superpower, her spidey-sense. Her butt can tell when Adrian is up to no good.
much love,
hedgie
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