May 25: The fog is rolling in and the temperatures have dropped. San Francisco summer weather is coming in. It’s always fun this time of year because it is so obvious which people outside are tourists that didn’t do enough research about this city. You can recognize them because they are wearing short shorts and oversized sweaters emblazoned with the words “San Francisco” in multiple neon colors that they were forced to buy at Pier 39.
May 26: Transcribing the kids’ books turned out to be harder than I expected. Even when they had typed up quite a bit of the story, cleaning the document up took so long. Valerye’s book had between two to ten spaces in between every single word. It took half an hour for me to figure out that when she wrote “grandfather’s bras”, she meant to say “grandfather’s brains”. She told me she had also finished the story, but it ended mid-sentence while describing the beginning of an important football game.
May 27: It’s fun to read used books and seeing all the marks made by other people. Looking at all the yellow highlights and bold underlines of what they found beautiful or important. Sometimes, she will see a star or an exclamation point and she will spend the rest of the night trying to figure out what they saw in it. The sentence wasn’t a particularly beautiful sentence. Does it foreshadow something?
It’s like when people tried to decode Lassie’s frantic barking about whatever problem Timmy got into. What is it boy? Did you spot some symbolism?
May 28: Down the street, a house is being completely remodeled to the point where it is a second story floor supported on stilts. At night, all the bare light bulbs are turned on and they shine through the gaps in between the squares of blue tarp. I wonder why they keep the lights on. Was it to keep wild animals away? Did they hope people fight jump in and help out with the construction?
May 29: Fernando had his students write scary stories and is putting them all together into a collection that he will pass out at the end of the school year. We all spent an hour debating if he should call the collection “Stories to Tell at Night” or “Our Mission is to Scare You” because nothing is scarier than a dad joke.
May 30: Before I announced the winner of the book contest, I told the kids that I bought meal worms that morning that we had to eat if we lost. I told them they were in Miss Ana’s care and she would bring them up only if necessary. They screamed at that and then screamed again when I told them we had won. I’m not going to lie, it was pretty fun watching Miss Alexander wince at her desk each time.
May 31: During the last half hour of program, I let the kids take out their toys. Luna and Joanna both brought out several types of slime. They discussed the slime like two wine connoisseurs, comparing colors and textures. Luna poked at one and made a sickened face. “This looks store bought,” she said.
much love,
hedgie
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Thursday, May 24, 2018
nutella, poop, or a combination of the two
May 17: As school let out, an adult woman and two male students came out of the third story bathroom together, the private bathroom that can only be opened with a classroom key. I had seen the two boys around, but I have never seen the woman. I thought it was weird at the time, but it didn’t strike me as worrisome until half an hour later. I told Melissa, but I’m hoping that whatever was happening was just an innocent accident.
May 18: We went out for drinks after work to celebrate Ana’s graduation from college. I ended up sitting next to her daughter, who proclaimed herself to be a taste test expert. She went on to taste test the bread, the chicken croquette, and even her paper napkin.
May 19: I wonder how many people besides me were woken up by their husband and dog howling at a passing fire truck together.
May 20: The neighbors had left over beer from a fundraising event, so they decided to make an impromptu sidewalk party. The beer keg sat out front with two more coolers of drinks. They had to move the barbecue because the wind was just pushing it down the street and they realized that it probably wasn’t the safest idea.
May 21: I told the kids about high frequency noises that they would be able to hear, but that I wouldn’t. They loved the idea of teenagers having high-pitched ringtones on their phones that their teachers could not hear. I played them a video on YouTube that played higher and higher frequencies in five second intervals. They were unable to hear at even normal frequencies because they spent the whole video yelling at each other.
“Back up!”
“Give me the speaker!”
“Leave it where it is!”
“I can’t hear anything!”
“Stop yelling in my ear!”
May 22: Today’s journal question was asked the class what is brown and sticky. Most of the students guessed either Nutella, poop, or a combination of the two. When all answers were turned in, I told them that the answer was “a stick”. Exactly one student laughed.
May 23: One of Jen’s kids wrote her book about how she is going to grow up to be a doctor some day. The illustration that accompanies this sentiment is of her with crossed eyes and a syringe flying across the room because I guess she thinks that giving someone a shot is akin to treating them like a dartboard.
May 24: The kids in Streetside Stories showed off their comic books today. Gwendolyn made one about putting dog poop in her mom’s desk as a prank and another one about a dinosaur who finds a diamond and then immediately dies because of the comet.
much love,
hedgie
May 18: We went out for drinks after work to celebrate Ana’s graduation from college. I ended up sitting next to her daughter, who proclaimed herself to be a taste test expert. She went on to taste test the bread, the chicken croquette, and even her paper napkin.
May 19: I wonder how many people besides me were woken up by their husband and dog howling at a passing fire truck together.
May 20: The neighbors had left over beer from a fundraising event, so they decided to make an impromptu sidewalk party. The beer keg sat out front with two more coolers of drinks. They had to move the barbecue because the wind was just pushing it down the street and they realized that it probably wasn’t the safest idea.
May 21: I told the kids about high frequency noises that they would be able to hear, but that I wouldn’t. They loved the idea of teenagers having high-pitched ringtones on their phones that their teachers could not hear. I played them a video on YouTube that played higher and higher frequencies in five second intervals. They were unable to hear at even normal frequencies because they spent the whole video yelling at each other.
“Back up!”
“Give me the speaker!”
“Leave it where it is!”
“I can’t hear anything!”
“Stop yelling in my ear!”
May 22: Today’s journal question was asked the class what is brown and sticky. Most of the students guessed either Nutella, poop, or a combination of the two. When all answers were turned in, I told them that the answer was “a stick”. Exactly one student laughed.
May 23: One of Jen’s kids wrote her book about how she is going to grow up to be a doctor some day. The illustration that accompanies this sentiment is of her with crossed eyes and a syringe flying across the room because I guess she thinks that giving someone a shot is akin to treating them like a dartboard.
May 24: The kids in Streetside Stories showed off their comic books today. Gwendolyn made one about putting dog poop in her mom’s desk as a prank and another one about a dinosaur who finds a diamond and then immediately dies because of the comet.
much love,
hedgie
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
beautiful and ironic
May 9: I’m not really sure what parents think I do in the after school program, but Kiara’s mom keeps calling me on my cellphone to send her daughter outside so she won’t have to even leave her car to pick her up. Today, she called me twice in two minutes when Kiara took a little too long to get outside after the first call.
May 10: In order to save time, the front office has changed our time cards to an online format which we are asked to turn in five days before the end of every two week period, which means we are forced to predict our hours for the next five weekdays.
May 11: Today the dance teachers returned and issued their non-apologies. When speaking to Melissa, they never said they were sorry and just talked about how in the dance classes they take, they get it much worse. From what Joanna told me, they told the kids that they may say mean things, but they really care about them, essentially blaming the kids for misinterpreting them when they told a room full of elementary school kids to shut up. Again, the words “I’m sorry” were never said.
May 12: The music was a gentle acoustic during “Nobody Knows Me At All”, so the singing from the audience could be heard along with Deb’s voice. When the song ended, she stepped closer to he mic and laughed. “There’s something beautiful and ironic to hear a room full of people sing “nobody knows me at all” together.
May 13: Nick and I called our parents for Mother’s Day. In the ten minute phone call to Nick’s parents, his dad managed to insult the size of our apartment, our dog, and how often we travel. So that was fun.
May 14: Melissa went to the principal of the school, who gave us permission to use the school’s laptops so our classes could type up their books for the Young Authors class. Today, when she went to actually collect the laptops, the librarian refused to let us use them, saying that she didn’t think it was a good idea despite the fact that the same exact kids use them and the after school teachers have been working here for longer than most of the day teachers.
May 15: Jen is desperately trying to get out of jury duty. We brainstormed a few ways for her to do that, including getting caught committing a felony. Ana suggested that she just not show up. Ana has never shown up for a jury duty summons. Then she offered us flex time to lie under oath for her if anyone comes to fine or arrest her for it.
May 16: A new dispute has taken over the school. It is a bad recording of a digital voice. Half the people who hear it think the voice is saying “laurel” and the other half thinks it is saying “yanny”. I hear laurel and every one of my kids hears yanny. I’m pretty sure they think I’m screwing with them because Jimmy has asked me over twenty times if I really don’t hear yanny.
much love,
hedgie
May 10: In order to save time, the front office has changed our time cards to an online format which we are asked to turn in five days before the end of every two week period, which means we are forced to predict our hours for the next five weekdays.
May 11: Today the dance teachers returned and issued their non-apologies. When speaking to Melissa, they never said they were sorry and just talked about how in the dance classes they take, they get it much worse. From what Joanna told me, they told the kids that they may say mean things, but they really care about them, essentially blaming the kids for misinterpreting them when they told a room full of elementary school kids to shut up. Again, the words “I’m sorry” were never said.
May 12: The music was a gentle acoustic during “Nobody Knows Me At All”, so the singing from the audience could be heard along with Deb’s voice. When the song ended, she stepped closer to he mic and laughed. “There’s something beautiful and ironic to hear a room full of people sing “nobody knows me at all” together.
May 13: Nick and I called our parents for Mother’s Day. In the ten minute phone call to Nick’s parents, his dad managed to insult the size of our apartment, our dog, and how often we travel. So that was fun.
May 14: Melissa went to the principal of the school, who gave us permission to use the school’s laptops so our classes could type up their books for the Young Authors class. Today, when she went to actually collect the laptops, the librarian refused to let us use them, saying that she didn’t think it was a good idea despite the fact that the same exact kids use them and the after school teachers have been working here for longer than most of the day teachers.
May 15: Jen is desperately trying to get out of jury duty. We brainstormed a few ways for her to do that, including getting caught committing a felony. Ana suggested that she just not show up. Ana has never shown up for a jury duty summons. Then she offered us flex time to lie under oath for her if anyone comes to fine or arrest her for it.
May 16: A new dispute has taken over the school. It is a bad recording of a digital voice. Half the people who hear it think the voice is saying “laurel” and the other half thinks it is saying “yanny”. I hear laurel and every one of my kids hears yanny. I’m pretty sure they think I’m screwing with them because Jimmy has asked me over twenty times if I really don’t hear yanny.
much love,
hedgie
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
pig milk
May 1: Nick got discounted tickets to a musical adaptation of The Color Purple. The singers and all were great, but the part that keeps coming back into my mind was the part where Celie is finally leaving Albert. He yells that she will go to Memphis over his dead body. She responds with “your dead body’d be just the welcome mat I needed”.
May 2: Abel was rooting through the dozen and a half unwanted milk cartons in the share bin, a mixture of pinks and greens to denote the percentages of fat.
“What are you doing, Abel?,” Melissa asked.
“I’m looking for milk,” he said.
“There’s a ton right there in front of you.”
“I’m looking for a green one. I don’t want a pink one. That’s pig milk.”
May 3: George must have eaten something he shouldn’t have because he has explosive diarrhea. So much has come out of him that I am a little surprised he hasn’t jet-propelled himself into outer space.
May 4: To add to the list of things my kids are unwittingly internalizing, Gwendolyn’s books is about two girls who are best friends, but their houses are separated by a giant wall. They try to tear it down themselves by kicking it, hitting it with a hammer, and unsuccessfully trying to rent a bulldozer. But they can’t do it themselves because they are children. Eventually, they have to talk to their parents and get all the adults to take it down so that the two girls who live next door to each other can finally play together.
May 5: Addie was already on Nick’s side of the bed when he was ready to get in. She was using his pillow and thought she looked so cute and comfortable that he took my side of the bed so as not to disturb her.
May 6: Our living room windows look directly into the living room windows of the apartment across from us. It is impossible to not accidentally spy on them. There are two people a lot like us, young, newly married people. They watch a lot of the same shows as us to the point that when I noticed they were nearing the end of The Office, it was really hard not to put a sign in our window recommending that they try Parks and Recreation. Today, the woman in the couple and I were both wearing glasses and a grey Hamilton hoodie that, based off the size, we had both stolen from our husbands.
May 7: Last week, Luna came in crying and claiming that the dance teachers had their favorites in class and she wasn’t one of them. We got more detail on it today from other sources. Turns out, the dance teachers have been yelling at her to shut up and berating her because she missed the lesson the previous week.
May 8: My girls like to get creative when they eat oranges at snack. Last year, they would stick a straw straight through the peel and just suck out what juice they could. This year, they have taken to separating their oranges into segments, squeezing the juice into the paper boats they are given their food in, and then drinking it like a soup with their plastic sporks.
much love,
hedgie
May 2: Abel was rooting through the dozen and a half unwanted milk cartons in the share bin, a mixture of pinks and greens to denote the percentages of fat.
“What are you doing, Abel?,” Melissa asked.
“I’m looking for milk,” he said.
“There’s a ton right there in front of you.”
“I’m looking for a green one. I don’t want a pink one. That’s pig milk.”
May 3: George must have eaten something he shouldn’t have because he has explosive diarrhea. So much has come out of him that I am a little surprised he hasn’t jet-propelled himself into outer space.
May 4: To add to the list of things my kids are unwittingly internalizing, Gwendolyn’s books is about two girls who are best friends, but their houses are separated by a giant wall. They try to tear it down themselves by kicking it, hitting it with a hammer, and unsuccessfully trying to rent a bulldozer. But they can’t do it themselves because they are children. Eventually, they have to talk to their parents and get all the adults to take it down so that the two girls who live next door to each other can finally play together.
May 5: Addie was already on Nick’s side of the bed when he was ready to get in. She was using his pillow and thought she looked so cute and comfortable that he took my side of the bed so as not to disturb her.
May 6: Our living room windows look directly into the living room windows of the apartment across from us. It is impossible to not accidentally spy on them. There are two people a lot like us, young, newly married people. They watch a lot of the same shows as us to the point that when I noticed they were nearing the end of The Office, it was really hard not to put a sign in our window recommending that they try Parks and Recreation. Today, the woman in the couple and I were both wearing glasses and a grey Hamilton hoodie that, based off the size, we had both stolen from our husbands.
May 7: Last week, Luna came in crying and claiming that the dance teachers had their favorites in class and she wasn’t one of them. We got more detail on it today from other sources. Turns out, the dance teachers have been yelling at her to shut up and berating her because she missed the lesson the previous week.
May 8: My girls like to get creative when they eat oranges at snack. Last year, they would stick a straw straight through the peel and just suck out what juice they could. This year, they have taken to separating their oranges into segments, squeezing the juice into the paper boats they are given their food in, and then drinking it like a soup with their plastic sporks.
much love,
hedgie
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