acne and wrinkles at the same time

June 8: Uncle still claims that he can tell a winning horse by just looking at it. I still have the bad habit of choosing a horse to bet on based on how funny I find their names.

June 9: Wiggins has been nicknamed “The Fur Rocket”. He pulled against his leash during the entire four-mile walk along the beach today. Even when he followed me to bed for a nap, he kept licking my eyeballs roughly every ten minutes just to make sure I was still alive.

June 10: I finally told Heidi about everything that had been going on with me in San Francisco. I cried a lot, but it felt good. It was amazing to discover that we had even more in common then I realized. We played out the exact same role in multiple situations, just a few years apart and with different people. It was sad and a relief at the same time. I may be making stupid decisions, but I’m not the only one doing it.

June 11: For the encore, John Paul White pulled out his acoustic guitar and beckoned us closer. He wouldn’t play until everyone he couldn’t see in the glow of the stage lights had moved forward to the empty tables closet to the stage. He sang without a mic in such a raw and tender way that his voice was almost washed away by the clinking sounds of the servers cleaning up the empty glasses from the abandoned tables.

June 12: Grannie’s house it nearly empty now. She’s moving back into Leisure World sometime next week. She showed us pictures of her new place on her iPad. It’s strange to think that this is the last time I will ever sit in this living room.

June 13: Addie keeps wanting to lick her butthole, but knows that we don’t like it. Every time she wants to do it and she is in the same room as us, she awkwardly crouches her butt as close to the ground as she can while still walking and then looks very guilty.

June 14: The fun thing about almost being thirty is that I’m somehow dealing with acne and wrinkles at the same time.

June 15: I still feel like a kid in so many ways. I keep watching so many people my age gracefully transition into adulthood. They have houses, kids, and careers with promotions. It makes me wonder what I am doing wrong. How is it so easy for them and so difficult to me? Everything just seems to work out in their favor. It reminds me of a conversation Nick and I have about once a week. I’ll tell him that I’m worried about something. He holds me hand and tells me, “Let me worry about that.” “But you’re not worried about it.” “Exactly.” For him, that was all that was needed to be said about the subject. Of course it was, he always ended up okay. For me, it was just the opening of a huge chasm that I would have to figure out how to cross alone.





much love,
hedgie