June 10: I think I have been listening to Hamilton too much. Today, Nick and I drove past Alexander Avenue and my brain immediately began singing “Alexander Avenue. My name is Alexander Avenue, and there’s a million things I have to do. Just you wait, just you wait”.
June 11: The hills lumped around the freeway are back to being dried out and golden. It finally looks like California again.
June 12: Melissa came up with the idea of a reading contest where students can earn a fake piece of pie every time they read for 20-minutes straight during reading time. For every 10 slices they earn, they win a pie that they get to throw into a teacher’s face at the end of summer. My students are suddenly very literary.
June 13: My new Pin Up Girl clothes arrived and I love the way they make me feel. There are pants that make me feel like Rita Hayworth and a shirt that reminded me of Audrey Hepburn. Today, I wore the pants that made me think of Katharine Hepburn and my kids spent all day asking me why I was wearing pajama pants.
June 14: Juan’s reaction to anything that delights, confuses, or frustrates him is to yell “what the hell?” at the top of his lungs. I can hear him when he is out in the yard at recess and I am in my classroom setting up for the next lesson. Two students and I have been trying to come up with cleaner substitutes for him to yell. So far, the winner is ‘what the hula hooping hippos’.
June 15: “I have Boading Balls!”
“Whose balls?”
June 16: Of all the experiments and exhibits at the Exploratorium, Francisco’s favorite part was the water fountain shaped like a toilet. I almost could not tear him away from his “one last sip” so that we could make it to the bus on time.
much love,
hedgie
Friday, June 16, 2017
Friday, June 9, 2017
bringing jello shots to bingo
June 1: It is such a relief to have my own classroom again. I can finally put things up on the walls and rearrange furniture. I don’t have to carry heavy crates of my supplies up and down the stairs everyday. I don’t have to worry about a teacher getting upset with me and emailing me multiple times because first graders have trouble figuring out what goes into recycling and what doesn’t.
June 2: Five minutes into play centers, I look over and Francisco had rolled up to giant red balls of play dough and was going around the room, holding them up to his chest and pretending he had boobs.
June 3: Addie was sprawled out across the bed and was using Nick’s butt as a pillow. She started wagging her tail as I entered the room. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and opened the camera to take a photo. As soon as she saw what I was doing, Addie immediately stopped wagging her tail and lay very still. When I lowered my phone, she began wagging her tail again. That dog definitely knows how to pose for photos.
June 4: Ryan and Dylan vote to wear dresses to my wedding. Ryan has been planning on that for months, ready to spend the entire day drinking and loudly wailing that he is always the bridesmaid and never the bride.
June 5: Sometimes it’s hard to tell what age Jen is. It’s like she flips from 17 and 80, nothing in between . When I asked her how her weekend was, she gave me a long and convoluted story about bringing Jell-o shots to Bingo.
June 6: Stephen was so taken by George, that every drawing he made that day was inspired by him. He gave me my favorite one, which depicted George as a person who was pretending to be George Washington. He named him George Washington George Person.
June 7: To my left, Mauricio and Wilfred were pretending to be babies, talking to each other in a series of “goo’s” and “gah’s” that only they seemed to understand. Angie tapped my arm from across the aisle and asked me if I believed that God would send people who had never heard of Jesus to hell. I told her that it really depended on what she really thought god was like. My school bus philosopher thought about it for a moment before deciding that what mattered most was being a good person.
June 8: Michael is pretty sure that his house is haunted. He told me that last year, he found what looked like blood all over the floors, but then he tasted it and realized it was red paint.
“Why would you eat it if you thought it was blood?”
“It wasn’t blood.”
“But you thought it was. Why would you eat blood?”
“I already told you it was paint!”
June 9: I’m always amazed by how folklore and urban legends adapt to modern times. Today, I was frantically informed by at least five kids that if you spun three fidget spinners at exactly three in the morning, Bloody Mary would call you on your cell phone and tell you that she would come for you in three days.
much love,
hedgie
June 2: Five minutes into play centers, I look over and Francisco had rolled up to giant red balls of play dough and was going around the room, holding them up to his chest and pretending he had boobs.
June 3: Addie was sprawled out across the bed and was using Nick’s butt as a pillow. She started wagging her tail as I entered the room. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and opened the camera to take a photo. As soon as she saw what I was doing, Addie immediately stopped wagging her tail and lay very still. When I lowered my phone, she began wagging her tail again. That dog definitely knows how to pose for photos.
June 4: Ryan and Dylan vote to wear dresses to my wedding. Ryan has been planning on that for months, ready to spend the entire day drinking and loudly wailing that he is always the bridesmaid and never the bride.
June 5: Sometimes it’s hard to tell what age Jen is. It’s like she flips from 17 and 80, nothing in between . When I asked her how her weekend was, she gave me a long and convoluted story about bringing Jell-o shots to Bingo.
June 6: Stephen was so taken by George, that every drawing he made that day was inspired by him. He gave me my favorite one, which depicted George as a person who was pretending to be George Washington. He named him George Washington George Person.
June 7: To my left, Mauricio and Wilfred were pretending to be babies, talking to each other in a series of “goo’s” and “gah’s” that only they seemed to understand. Angie tapped my arm from across the aisle and asked me if I believed that God would send people who had never heard of Jesus to hell. I told her that it really depended on what she really thought god was like. My school bus philosopher thought about it for a moment before deciding that what mattered most was being a good person.
June 8: Michael is pretty sure that his house is haunted. He told me that last year, he found what looked like blood all over the floors, but then he tasted it and realized it was red paint.
“Why would you eat it if you thought it was blood?”
“It wasn’t blood.”
“But you thought it was. Why would you eat blood?”
“I already told you it was paint!”
June 9: I’m always amazed by how folklore and urban legends adapt to modern times. Today, I was frantically informed by at least five kids that if you spun three fidget spinners at exactly three in the morning, Bloody Mary would call you on your cell phone and tell you that she would come for you in three days.
much love,
hedgie
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
taco wednesday
May 29: Katie took us on the dirt path through the lemon grove that she walks Dobby on everyday. Lemons littered the ground, many of them fragrantly fermenting in the soil. I thought vaguely about picking one up and throwing it at Nick, but then my eye caught a sign: “Don’t throw the lemons. They really don’t like it.” It was completed with a little symbol of a lemon with a giant frown and movement streaks following behind.
May 30: Katie lives in a spy movie. She was assigned to figure out how a certain business could be infiltrated by someone who did not work there so that her company could make suggestions on how to boost their security. Her job that day included her stealing lanyards to fake having an ID, timing exactly how long it takes for her to reach a self-locking door before it closed behind an employee, and blending in by eating someone’s yogurt in the break room fridge.
May 31: In Joshua Tree, everything is familiar but slightly different in a way that makes me feel uneasy. Their markets are decorated with life-size plastic cows and the local Mexican restaurants celebrate Taco Wednesday.
much love,
hedgie
May 30: Katie lives in a spy movie. She was assigned to figure out how a certain business could be infiltrated by someone who did not work there so that her company could make suggestions on how to boost their security. Her job that day included her stealing lanyards to fake having an ID, timing exactly how long it takes for her to reach a self-locking door before it closed behind an employee, and blending in by eating someone’s yogurt in the break room fridge.
May 31: In Joshua Tree, everything is familiar but slightly different in a way that makes me feel uneasy. Their markets are decorated with life-size plastic cows and the local Mexican restaurants celebrate Taco Wednesday.
much love,
hedgie
Monday, May 22, 2017
rain hot chips
May 22: Milo wrote me a letter while she was in her day class. She even had to translate it into Spanish so that her teacher wouldn’t realize she wasn’t on task. She tucked the note into my laptop so I would find it when I got home. All just to tell me that she did not like my new glasses. Priorities.
May 23: Jen has an over-sized Barbie head for her kids to practice braiding hair without spreading lice. She stored it under her desk and now every time I stoop down to get into my backpack, I see it half-hidden in the shadows and it horrifies me for a moment.
May 24: In the front office, there was a protest against the use of “Lean on Me” during the 5th grade graduation ceremony. Unsurprisingly, one to the protesters was Roxanna, who was also there to protest the fact that the students were to walk down the aisle while clapping to the beat. For some bewildering reason, she is convinced that her 12-year old son is unable to clap and walk at the same time.
May 25: Milo showed me the biography she wrote about me. The front cover has a polaroid photo of me, encased in a thin layer of blue crayon hatch marks. My name is written in bold red and surrounded by hearts. Mr. Carlson graded it with a happy face sticker.
May 26: Wilfred hadn’t spoken for awhile. He was studying the gold fidget spinner twirling in between his thumb and forefinger. He suddenly closed his fingers, stopping the gears in motion. “If I was god, I would make it rain hot chips,” he announced.
May 27: The eight of us took over one of Google's conference rooms that came equipped with two projectors and a dozen hands-free mics. We played Fibbage, which is great because it lead me to use my time in this room that is used to discuss the latest in technology to look up stories about a very handsome gorilla and a man who ate a plane.
May 28: Apparently, Ryan bought a house. Last week he was texting me about looking in different cities for a real place to live and now he is about to own a house. He did not waste much time.
much love,
hedgie
May 23: Jen has an over-sized Barbie head for her kids to practice braiding hair without spreading lice. She stored it under her desk and now every time I stoop down to get into my backpack, I see it half-hidden in the shadows and it horrifies me for a moment.
May 24: In the front office, there was a protest against the use of “Lean on Me” during the 5th grade graduation ceremony. Unsurprisingly, one to the protesters was Roxanna, who was also there to protest the fact that the students were to walk down the aisle while clapping to the beat. For some bewildering reason, she is convinced that her 12-year old son is unable to clap and walk at the same time.
May 25: Milo showed me the biography she wrote about me. The front cover has a polaroid photo of me, encased in a thin layer of blue crayon hatch marks. My name is written in bold red and surrounded by hearts. Mr. Carlson graded it with a happy face sticker.
May 26: Wilfred hadn’t spoken for awhile. He was studying the gold fidget spinner twirling in between his thumb and forefinger. He suddenly closed his fingers, stopping the gears in motion. “If I was god, I would make it rain hot chips,” he announced.
May 27: The eight of us took over one of Google's conference rooms that came equipped with two projectors and a dozen hands-free mics. We played Fibbage, which is great because it lead me to use my time in this room that is used to discuss the latest in technology to look up stories about a very handsome gorilla and a man who ate a plane.
May 28: Apparently, Ryan bought a house. Last week he was texting me about looking in different cities for a real place to live and now he is about to own a house. He did not waste much time.
much love,
hedgie
Sunday, May 21, 2017
don't let them lick the walls
May 15: The daily journals have become a game to Milo. No matter how hard I tried to steer the journal questions away from politics, she would find a way to insult the President.
What was your favorite thing you learned in the marine biology lesson?
That the Blob Fish looks like Donald Trump.
Write a note to your future self.
Dear Future Me, I hope you still hate Trump.
Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Blind, so I wouldn’t have to see Trump’s ugly face.
May 16: Abel isn’t allowed to have a backpack because he sneaks so many toys into class. I think his mom is starting to check his pockets too because at recess, I caught him pulling a handful of Pokémon cards out of his shoe.
May 17: All of Skye’s kids think they are John Cena. The trash talk each other and start wrestling at the slightest provocation. Edwin and Lamadja were at the park when they started dissing each other. “You wanna go? Let’s go!” “Let’s take this to the sand!”
May 18: It took half an hour to get everyone to stop crying long enough for them to start their readers theater performance. Even then, two were on the floor in tears before they reached the third page because Luna took over their lines when they took too long to read it out loud.
May 19: Ten minutes after meeting her, I was ready to steal Sophie’s dog. She was a tiny, anxious chihuahua that I could fit into my jacket. She stopped shivering when she was in there, so I played Bocce Ball with her slung against my stomach like a baby.
May 20: We are finally replacing the sink in the bathroom. I was in charge of sanding down and repainting the wall behind the sink. Nick suggested I wear a face mask because when we moved in, Carol gave us a short warning and a pamphlet about the dangers of lead paint. She also added, “If you ever have kids over, don’t let them lick the walls”.
May 21: My new glasses make the world look so clear, I’m pretty sure that I will develop the ability to see through walls or into the future.
much love,
hedgie
What was your favorite thing you learned in the marine biology lesson?
That the Blob Fish looks like Donald Trump.
Write a note to your future self.
Dear Future Me, I hope you still hate Trump.
Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Blind, so I wouldn’t have to see Trump’s ugly face.
May 16: Abel isn’t allowed to have a backpack because he sneaks so many toys into class. I think his mom is starting to check his pockets too because at recess, I caught him pulling a handful of Pokémon cards out of his shoe.
May 17: All of Skye’s kids think they are John Cena. The trash talk each other and start wrestling at the slightest provocation. Edwin and Lamadja were at the park when they started dissing each other. “You wanna go? Let’s go!” “Let’s take this to the sand!”
May 18: It took half an hour to get everyone to stop crying long enough for them to start their readers theater performance. Even then, two were on the floor in tears before they reached the third page because Luna took over their lines when they took too long to read it out loud.
May 19: Ten minutes after meeting her, I was ready to steal Sophie’s dog. She was a tiny, anxious chihuahua that I could fit into my jacket. She stopped shivering when she was in there, so I played Bocce Ball with her slung against my stomach like a baby.
May 20: We are finally replacing the sink in the bathroom. I was in charge of sanding down and repainting the wall behind the sink. Nick suggested I wear a face mask because when we moved in, Carol gave us a short warning and a pamphlet about the dangers of lead paint. She also added, “If you ever have kids over, don’t let them lick the walls”.
May 21: My new glasses make the world look so clear, I’m pretty sure that I will develop the ability to see through walls or into the future.
much love,
hedgie
Sunday, May 14, 2017
poop on a paper towel
May 8: Jazlene told us she had an onion sandwich for lunch today. After a long line of questioning, we finally got it out of her that it was a ham sandwich with onions. All the teachers have been routinely making jokes about onion sandwiches and cracking up every time. I told the story to Nick. I guess it’s only funny to teachers.
May 9: One of the Reading Buddy volunteers knocked on my door to inform me that someone had pooped on a paper towel right outside the door to the boy’s bathroom next to the cafeteria.
May 10: My kids’ favorite part of our trip to City College’s campus was when a man on the sidewalk cussed me out. When he saw our classes lining up behind the main gate, he yelled at them to never become lawyers because lawyers are liars. They should become doctors instead. I thought his statement could be improved upon, so I immediately yelled that they should become whatever they wanted to be and to not let a complete stranger tell them what to do. The man was not happy with my edits.
May 11: I was a little worried about losing Abel during the march to college, so I held his hand for the entire hour it took us to get to John O’Connell High School. A few police cars would park in the intersection when we crossed so that no car could even try to drive through our crowd. It was a nice gesture, but it left most of the kinds wondering why we were being followed by the police.
May 12: Luna was already crying when she was released from her day class. She curled up into a tiny ball against the wall where my kids lined up for program. I sat next to her and asked her why she was crying. She wouldn’t lift her head to look at me. “I’m scared.” “Why are you scared?,” I asked her. I looked around, searching for anyone who might be responsible. Luna took a deep breath and stared intently at her untied shoelaces. “Because I’m Latina,” she said, so softly I almost wasn’t sure I heard her correctly.
May 13: After her lecture about writing, Anne Lamott invited the entire audience of 100 people to attend the service at her church tomorrow. Their congregation is apparently made up of some sober people, a handful of Jewish people, and a ton of lesbians.
May 14: Nick woke me up with a Mother’s Day card from the dogs. It contained two messy paw prints and two clumps of their fur taped inside.
much love,
hedgie
May 9: One of the Reading Buddy volunteers knocked on my door to inform me that someone had pooped on a paper towel right outside the door to the boy’s bathroom next to the cafeteria.
May 10: My kids’ favorite part of our trip to City College’s campus was when a man on the sidewalk cussed me out. When he saw our classes lining up behind the main gate, he yelled at them to never become lawyers because lawyers are liars. They should become doctors instead. I thought his statement could be improved upon, so I immediately yelled that they should become whatever they wanted to be and to not let a complete stranger tell them what to do. The man was not happy with my edits.
May 11: I was a little worried about losing Abel during the march to college, so I held his hand for the entire hour it took us to get to John O’Connell High School. A few police cars would park in the intersection when we crossed so that no car could even try to drive through our crowd. It was a nice gesture, but it left most of the kinds wondering why we were being followed by the police.
May 12: Luna was already crying when she was released from her day class. She curled up into a tiny ball against the wall where my kids lined up for program. I sat next to her and asked her why she was crying. She wouldn’t lift her head to look at me. “I’m scared.” “Why are you scared?,” I asked her. I looked around, searching for anyone who might be responsible. Luna took a deep breath and stared intently at her untied shoelaces. “Because I’m Latina,” she said, so softly I almost wasn’t sure I heard her correctly.
May 13: After her lecture about writing, Anne Lamott invited the entire audience of 100 people to attend the service at her church tomorrow. Their congregation is apparently made up of some sober people, a handful of Jewish people, and a ton of lesbians.
May 14: Nick woke me up with a Mother’s Day card from the dogs. It contained two messy paw prints and two clumps of their fur taped inside.
much love,
hedgie
Sunday, May 7, 2017
may day
May 1: Seven teachers were gone this May Day in order to join the protests for immigrants and worker’s rights at City Hall. A lot of parents knew this and decided to not bring their kids to school. I had eight students today.
May 2: Janessa made me cover my eyes so that she could reveal to me what I was going to look like in the future. When I lowered my hand, she was pointing to a picture of a turnip.
May 3: It’s been so hot the last few days that the kids have started a new game where they fill their mouths with water at the drinking fountain and then spit it all over each other.
May 4: Shanah was in the middle of changing the lyrics of BO$$ to be about pooping when there was an announcement that we were going on lock down, that we needed to lock the doors, turn off the lights, and stay away from the windows.
May 5: Fabi lead us through the “I see, I think, I wonder” after we played the exquisite corpse and had a wall full of ridiculous creatures created in thirds.
“What do these characters make you wonder?”, she asked us.
Tina tapped her pen against her lips and then pointed it to a drawing where the top third was a smirking clown, the middle third looked like mens ice skater’s uniform, the bottom third was purple knickerbockers and green shoes.
“I wonder who that clown's next victim is,” she said.
May 6: There was a huge bite mark-ridden hole ripped out of our shower curtain. Addie later threw up a blue chunk of fabric. What on earth made her suddenly decide to eat the shower curtain?
May 7: My Irish passport finally arrived. My ID photo is in black and white and I wasn’t allowed to smile or wear my glasses in it, so it looks more like a top secret file given to a hardened detective trying to hunt me down that a photo of me.
much love,
hedgie
May 2: Janessa made me cover my eyes so that she could reveal to me what I was going to look like in the future. When I lowered my hand, she was pointing to a picture of a turnip.
May 3: It’s been so hot the last few days that the kids have started a new game where they fill their mouths with water at the drinking fountain and then spit it all over each other.
May 4: Shanah was in the middle of changing the lyrics of BO$$ to be about pooping when there was an announcement that we were going on lock down, that we needed to lock the doors, turn off the lights, and stay away from the windows.
May 5: Fabi lead us through the “I see, I think, I wonder” after we played the exquisite corpse and had a wall full of ridiculous creatures created in thirds.
“What do these characters make you wonder?”, she asked us.
Tina tapped her pen against her lips and then pointed it to a drawing where the top third was a smirking clown, the middle third looked like mens ice skater’s uniform, the bottom third was purple knickerbockers and green shoes.
“I wonder who that clown's next victim is,” she said.
May 6: There was a huge bite mark-ridden hole ripped out of our shower curtain. Addie later threw up a blue chunk of fabric. What on earth made her suddenly decide to eat the shower curtain?
May 7: My Irish passport finally arrived. My ID photo is in black and white and I wasn’t allowed to smile or wear my glasses in it, so it looks more like a top secret file given to a hardened detective trying to hunt me down that a photo of me.
much love,
hedgie
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